When last we saw Jesse, Starr had walked up to him in a bar and introduced himself. Before we can continue with that scene, however, we must travel back in time about two millennia, where we see a young man making passionate and sensual love to a woman who, it seems, is not his wife. Their intense couplings make graphic shadow puppets on the wall. Later, as he dresses, she questions about that group of guys he’s always hanging around with. He assures her that he does love her, and then casually asks, “We cool?”
That man is Jesus Christ.
His disciples show up and he joins them, leaving the woman reclining in bed. After everyone else leaves, one of the disciples leans over and tells her, “Your secret’s safe with me.”
Fast forward: back in the bar, Starr tells Jesse all about Grail Industries, and the kind of power they wield. Feeling frustrated, Jesse uses Genesis and commands Starr to tell him where God is. Starr says God was last seen in New Orleans, so it indeed was the Grail that auditioned and killed God’s replacement, but they have no idea where he is now. Although…Starr suggests that by teaming up, they can find God quicker and Jesse reluctantly agrees. Out in Starr’s car, Jesse balks at putting a canvas bag over his head during the trip but eventually acquiesces.
Do people sometimes forget that Jesse could just make them tell him where he’s going? Does Jesse sometimes forget this? Hm.
Tulip’s nightmare-ing about the Saint again, so when she wakes up, she offers to make Cassidy and Denis (who are enjoying the company of a couple of scantily-clad ladies of the evening) breakfast to keep herself occupied. Featherstone, in disguise, comes over to get her gun back and Tulip spills her guts about the whole God enchilada. Featherstone tries to reassure her, but it’s obvious that she’s secretly intrigued and excited. Cassidy tells Tulip that he and the girls and Denis are going out for breakfast instead.
After making his way through a metal detector, Jesse is shown into Starr’s office, where the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury are cooling their heels, waiting. Jesse asks them if they know where God is (does he need to keep asking? seems like everybody knows his quest by now) and the Archbishop gives him some lame answer about God trying to escape some angels, and the Pope says God has abandoned man and is out trying to create a new species. So…neither of them knows anything. The Pope offhandedly remarks, The boy knows…” before they both leave Starr and Jesse alone. Jesse, again, uses Genesis to demand Starr explain about the boy. Starr replies calmly: “He’s the Messiah.”
Fans of the comic book know exactly where this is headed, but it’s going to be a shock to newcomers, hehehe.
FLASHBACK: Jesus’s child is born, and is given to the same man who promised to keep things secret regarding the trysts between the King of Kings and the young woman. The man swears an oath to keep the child (and all its lineage) safe–and then the new mother is quickly killed. Yikes!
Starr explains that the Messiah, Jesus’s 25th great-grandchild, has been hidden away until the world is ready to be ruled by him. Jesse, again, uses Genesis to demand Starr take him there.
Out at breakfast, Denis and his lady are in a photo booth, and Denis gets a little too “toothy” with her as the camera flashes. Cassidy reprimands him, saying he cannot give in to his new urges. He throws away the pictures. Hehehe Denis is like a rebellious teenager here. I kind of dig his attitude.
While Featherstone and Tulip are bonding over a round of Guitar Hero, Featherstone enviously speaks of Tulip’s crazy life, her lawlessness in Dallas, the search for God, the–wait, Dallas? Tulip never told her about Dallas. Featherstone laughs it off, saying of course she told her, then goes into the bathroom and frantically calls Hoover to come rescue her. When she comes out, Tulip gets up in her face, demanding to know who she is. Suddenly, a pounding on the door breaks the moment. It’s Hoover–er, “Rodney,” Featherstone–er, “Jenny’s” dangerous ex-boyfriend. Hoover hits Featherstone, Tulip wallops Rodney with a guitar, Featherstone (a little too gleefully) kicks him, and the girls start bonding again in the bathroom while Tulip tends to Featherstone’s injuries. The tile is loose (where Jesse hid the Saint’s guns) and Featherstone suggests Tulip fix it. Such a thoughtful suggestion.
Jesse’s got his bag over his head again as he and Starr make the long tedious journey to meet the Messiah. When they are finally in his immaculate presence, Jesse falls to his knees and asks if he is on the right path to finding God. In response, the Messiah gently…urinates on Jesse. Sputtering, Jesse stands and realizes that the Messiah is an inbred imbecile, going the name of Humperdoo. The Messiah enthusiastically repeats, “Humperdoo!” Jesse notices that Humperdoo has been drawing pictures of dogs over and over, while Humperdoo rubs up against Starr and fondles his bald head. Starr suggests they leave before Humperdoo…er…”discharges,” but Jesse commands Humperdoo tell him where God is, and Humperdoo becomes more and more upset, unable to answer the question demanded of him.
Tulip is about to fix the tile when Cassidy distracts her with more video games. Featherstone sees this on the hidden camera and is annoyed, obviously wanting Tulip to discover Jesse’s dishonesty, and saying she’d rather just kill Tulip. Hoover reminds her that Starr specifically said not to, and only wants the lovers broken apart.
Tulip finally gets around to the tile and, yep, there are the Saint’s guns and sword. She is speechless.
Starr suggest to Jesse that, instead of him continuing to look for God, why not become God? Jesse accuses him of blasphemy. Oh, if Jesse only knew the depths of Starr’s soul. Finally back to the apartment, Starr suggests Jesse think about the offer some more. Jesse balks, saying he has friends who will help him. As Denis stumbles down the road, face smeared with blood, Starr asks, “Do you?”
Holy blasphemy, Batman! Even though this Humperdoo is a little more refined than in the comics (my black little heart misses seeing him locked in a cage, flinging shit at everybody who comes near), this character had to be a huge shock to most viewers. He’s played by the same actor who played Jesus in the opening “losing Christ’s virginity” sequence, but he just looks all kinds of wrong after 25 years of selective inbreeding. Can’t wait for next episode!
