Cockamamie kite calamity contributes to ill-conceived thickheaded comedy horrifically kerplunking in kookinesses killing the production and concurrently putting a kibosh on this critic going coocoo this flick.

Killer Kites, a new creature feature directed by Alan Dale and Austin Frosch, starts with a man running for his life killed by a mysterious off-screen presence shot in first person. In fact, hand-held shaky cams reminiscent of Evil Dead are frequently used along with camera techniques like first-person perspective shots, wide shots, and close-ups to give the film a semi-professional look. However, it looks cheaply made like it was shot on an iPhone, Android, or some type of cell phone. I’m purely speculating, of course. I was surprised to find out the budget was $500,000 according to IMDB. It reminds me of high school films I used to help make when I attended filmmaking classes there. The killer kite effects are done with poorly made green screen effects so it doesn’t even look real but rather it makes the death scenes unintentionally funny.

Written by Austin Frosch, it’s as if it’s supposed to be a spoof movie with obvious sight gags but I dint find it humorous. I’m all for random jokes but some of them are so out of nowhere that they’re more distracting than anything. The best example is the news reports throughout. The reason the original Scary Movie works so well is that it takes old horror clichés to add self-aware satire. The characters even fully acknowledge and accept they’re in a movie. This tries to do that but it just doesn’t work. Maybe if it recreated scenes from classic creature features it would have worked a little better. The humor is so forced it becomes painful to watch. Also, characters take huge leaps in logic that the average person wouldn’t be able to establish without gathering more information.

Manon Pages plays Abby. Charlie Early is her brother Brian. Zach Lee is the Oracle. Carter Simoneaux plays her co-worker Daniel. Paul Dale is news anchor Brock Peterson. The acting isn’t great. The performances all around range from either over the top or emotionless and wooden.

Overall, I understand how some people find entertainment value in movies like Killer Kites. I certainly do as well but I didn’t find this enjoyable to watch. I thought everything from the forced humour, unintentionally funny special effects, and abysmal acting were excruciating for a movie that’s only an hour and twelve minutes. The parts that are supposed to be funny aren’t comical and the parts that aren’t supposed to be funny are inadvertently hysterical. If you like pretty much any generic, cheesy horror comedies like Rubber, Sharknado, and things like that, you could give Killer Kites a chance if you want. I wouldn’t recommend doing so, however, as it just wasn’t for me. And remember, this is the part where I’d tell the filmmakers to go fly a kite but that’s probably how we got here in the first place.