After the author George Boulangé disappears from his sailboat one night, Detective Kenny Park must try to ascertain what happened by interviewing his wife, girlfriend and captain.

At only 79 minutes, this lame Agatha Christie-wannabe feels about five times longer than that. Technically well-made and surprisingly gorgeous to look at, Disappearance squanders its beauty on stilted dialogue, unclear plot points, and some of the most wooden acting this side of the Grand Tetons. I would not be surprised to find out the director’s most common acting tip during production was, “Less emotion, please. No, less. Lessssss.”

George and his wife Isabelle have planned a weekend away on his boat as an anniversary celebration, but Isabelle has a surprise up her sleeve: she has invited George’s mistress, Cecile, the server at a cafe they both frequent. George agrees, a little too quickly. Is he looking to spice up the weekend? Get rid of one (or both) of them? Create tension as a basis for a new novel? Ummm…nothing’s very clear.

Along with those three, Captain Blake (Hutch Dano) is along to navigate the trip and provide a fourth side to this love triangle. Frankly, Dano is one of the few actors in this flick who can emote and he comes across as genuine and vulnerable, a real standout in a sea of cardboard cutouts.

The other actor who escapes with his reputation intact is Reggie Lee as Detective Park, the cop who is trying to piece together what happened on this ill-fated trip (or was it? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN) by interviewing Isabelle, Cecile, and Blake in his office and discussing it all with his partner, Bailey.  He gets to appear thoughtful and probing, but unfortunately isn’t given much else to do.

So we get flashbacks. Lots of ‘em. Blake appears to have a crush on the missus. Cecile and Isabelle appear to be getting close to each other. George spends some time yelling at the others about how ungrateful they are after he spent all this money on the boat. A recorded conversation revealed towards the end is supposed to clear everything up for us, but by then I really didn’t care.

I wish I could be more positive, but I was bored out of my skull watching this. I consider it my solemn duty to prevent other people suffering the same fate. Fair warning.