Directed by Larry Wade Carrell, Girl Next (2021) is all kinds of f’d up. It was an oddly surreal horror that is something like The Stepford Wives tossed with Kiss The Girls and dressed with a little bit of The Skin I Live In, however, like a meal that looks good in a picture but not on the palate, Girl Next made interesting choices but came out tasting of disappointment. According to its trailer, Girl Next is “based on a true story,” but my takeaway from this film is that it is a hodgepodge of loose ends that lead to anything from potential science fiction, psychological thriller, bad drug trips, serial killers, and yet more plot-points, and so, the “BOATS” tag seems to be used rather flippantly here — surely there is no truth to the glow in the dark drugs, holographic crime bosses, or the rampant necrophilia in this film?

This colorful trainwreck follows a woman named Lorian West (Lacey Cofran) who is kidnapped from a retail store parking lot and taken to a remote farmstead, the base of operations for a sex trafficking ring. Targeted for her good looks and clever mind, Lorian becomes the guinea pig for a drug-addicted and eccentric (or possibly alien) scientist named Heinrich (Marcus Jean Pirae) and his assistant Misha (Paula Marcenaro Solinger) who are conducting mind control experiments aimed at making habitually obedient women they call “Sofia dolls”, who are then given to Sheriff Maddox (Larry Wade Carrell) for sale on the black market. Lorian fights back to prevent becoming the next girl sold into sexual slavery, attempting to resist the psychological conditioning and traumatic punishments she is subjected to.

About every five minutes I found myself asking, “What the hell is this, exactly?” — the answer never quite presented itself during Girl Next‘s nearly two-hour runtime. Is it a stash-and-slash hostage vs. serial killer movie? Is it a sci-fi/horror based upon medical experiments at the hands of Nazis, aliens, or alien Nazis? Is it a critical commentary on toxic masculinity by displaying the ravages of extreme violence against women, or, does it just revel in violence against women à la something like Tarantino’s or Trier’s work? Much of Girl Next’s plot and imagery choices seemed to be done for similar shock value, however, these scenes were not well-acted enough to sell the torture and pain, with Girl Next‘s cast members executing at a level skirting performance levels found in pornographic films.

Girl Next often has its characters rely on speaking in riddles and other roundabout ways, including an Ophelia-like character named Charlotte, played by Rachel Alig, who I couldn’t decide was being over-used or under-utilized as her presence oscillated between grating and entertaining. A reflection of the film’s overly convoluted plot, a few of the other characters spoke in various Southern American and European accents, further establishing the film’s twisted atmosphere. I found that some of the dialogue and shots were heavily influenced by Kubrick and Lynch, and though I appreciated the homages, I also feel that the shots and dialogue made a whole lot more sense in the films they are referencing and not so much in Girl Next. However, something about this movie’s sheer strangeness gives it a certain charm, and I could see Girl Next gaining a cult following, although personally, I dreaded the handful of rewinds that were needed for me to comprehend the first half of this film.

Despite Girl Next’s lack of focus in its purpose and some of its plot points, its mixture of WTF happenings and characters eventually grew on me — the bitch slappings, the mystical music, the silly costumes, the over-the-top personalities of the villains all drew me in, especially as the plot began to thicken in the film’s second half; Girl Next might have been better if it had edited out 30 minutes worth of its awkward first half. Although it is more so just plain old bad than so-bad-it’s-good, Girl Next certainly has some interesting twists, and its approach to the sex trafficking premise is undeniably unique. Having that said, this movie is only recommended specifically for those who like weird and/or bad movies, otherwise, a more discerning person may be miffed for spending nearly 2 hours on this oddity. I cannot recall a movie with such an awkward sex scene since the likes of The Room — is classical music more awkward than knockoff RnB tunes for love scenes? Watch Girl Next and decide for yourself.

5.75 out of 10