The crypto-zoological agency Monarch faces off against a battery of god-sized monsters, including the mighty Godzilla, who collides with Mothra, Rodan, and his ultimate nemesis, the three-headed King Ghidorah.

For those who criticized director Gareth Edwards’ 2014 Godzilla reboot as being light on the monster mayhem, co-writer/director Michael Dougherty, and a reported $200M budget, have some good news – Godzilla: King of the Monsters definitely delivers some tremendous kaiju thrills. In what is essentially a loose sequel, Godzilla is joined by fellow titans Mothra, Rodan, and the three-headed King Ghidorah, gorgeously realized mega-beasts; at least, when not shrouded in Game of Thrones-esque we-trust-our-special-effects-team-but-not-really darkness. Some due credit should be given to the film’s marketing campaign: while its trailers didn’t hold back on revealing the film’s cast of creatures, Godzilla: King of the Monsters is the rare example of an action-fantasy film whose visual delights and exhilarating surprises aren’t completely given away by footage in the trailers.

Unfortunately, that’s pretty much where the good news ends. Godzilla: King of the Monsters is ultimately the cinematic equivalent of a fireworks show. Eagerly, you sit back and look to the skies for that first explosion — and there it is! Yay, fireworks! And after a few minutes – maybe less – you realize you’re already waiting for the big climax. You endure what comes in the middle – there’s a particularly impressive dazzler here and there that breaks up the monotony – and then they start to group together faster, and you sit up and prepare yourself for the big finale!, which of course rarely disappoints. Stretch that experience over 134 minutes; sprinkle in more than a few laughable moments of unwelcome and patently ridiculous exposition, delivered by a cast that tries its best to communicate the direness of it all; throw in a bunch of familiar faces in small roles that ultimately lead nowhere, and do little to advance a ceaselessly convoluted series of catastrophes disguised as a plot; and top it all off with some of the worst attempts at comic relief this side of…well, Roland Emmerich’s 1998 Godzilla…and you’ve got a tedious exercise whose truly thrilling moments are overweighed by what is ultimately a pretty bad movie.

At the center of the story is the dysfunctional Russell family – Emma (Vera Farmiga), a traumatized paleobiologist who along with ex-husband Mark (Kyle Chandler) developed the Orca, a machine that enables communication with the Titans and can “control them using their bioacoustics on a sonar level” (yep), and their daughter Madison (Millie Bobby Brown), who takes the reins from 24’s Kim Bauer as the most constantly imperiled, yet seemingly impervious, disaster-prone teenager. One kooky plot twist and ensuing heavy-handed lecture later (there was audible laughter at this writer’s screening, at what may have been the one moment in the film intended to carry the most gravity…), the gargantuan titans – who have been dormant and monitored at several clandestine international bases – suddenly rise from their slumber, leading a team of scientists on a hunt through sea, air, and subterranean “worm holes” in the effort not only to track the beasties, but to awaken Godzilla in the hopes that – as Ken Watanabe’s Dr. Ishiro Serizawa puts it – humans can serve as “Godzilla’s pets,” and in that effort, get his help to defend them against the rest of the monsters. It would seem unfair to lambast the proceedings of a film in which a giant moth-creature battles a three-headed serpentine demon as ridiculous, but somehow Godzilla: King of the Monsters manages to transcend. It provides the surreal experience of asking the audience to suspend their disbelief most often when the monsters aren’t on screen.

To be fair – it’s a Godzilla film. And one wonders if it would have been more effective if the silliness of it all wasn’t complemented by a consistent sense of seriousness – with exception, again, to the film’s barrage of terrible jokes and one-liners. Veteran actor Bradley Whitford truly earns his paycheck here for the effort. The plot? It’s a giant monster movie – really, what more of a plot do you need? We never watched classic Godzilla movies in our PJ’s on Sunday afternoons for plot. It could be argued that maybe that’s what Dougherty is going for: perhaps the writer/director of the effective 2007 horror/comedy favorite Trick ‘r Treat is essentially recreating a classic Godzilla movie, poorly-written screenplay and hammy acting and all. Details such as the inclusion of the original series’ iconic Godzilla theme would back this theory up. Yet somehow, those were still consistently fun to watch. Ultimately, Godzilla: King of the Monsters will no doubt have its legacy as one of those Blu-rays in your collection that you throw on to take in the thrilling moments — remote control firmly in hand to fast-forward all the drabness in between them.