There are many different factors that must be considered before judging a film as bad. Some of these elements, such as a lack of budget, are infinitely more permissible than others. Although a movie production may not be working under the most ideal circumstances, this is certainly not tantamount to unavoidable failure. Hell, occasionally, a lack of monetary resources can even add an extra layer of charm to a project’s overall presentation. After all, it is not the size of your wallet that matters, but what you actually do with it. Night of the Living Dead, anyone?

And then there is the opposite scenario: when a filmmaker has the funds to produce something great but ends up completely squandering the opportunity instead. Whether it’s due to a shortage of talent, integrity, or creative inhibition, the resulting product is, unfortunately, the same. It becomes yet another addition to the ever-expanding list of titles destined for the Walmart bargain bin – just one more unpleasant footnote in the annals of cinema history. Sadly, Hoodman, the movie I’ll be reviewing today, is a perfect example of one of these aforementioned awful films. 

The plot of Hoodman follows a woman named Ariana (Madison Spear), who finds herself being tormented by a sinister, mythical creature. After losing her infant son in a car accident, she becomes obsessed with the notion that her child isn’t really dead, but was instead abducted by this dark presence. The titular Hoodman is an entity that is incredibly similar to Slenderman, who first became famous through stories passed along via the internet in the late 2000s. They are both nightmarish shadow figures that prey on children, and both are nearly unstoppable by conventional means. Can Ariana unravel the mystery behind this menacing new foe, or will it ultimately claim her before she gets the chance? You’ll just have to watch the film if you want to find out – although I really don’t recommend expending the effort you’d need to do so.   

I am not going to waste any time mincing words – everything about this movie is terrible. The acting is atrocious, with wholly robotic, downright embarrassing performances given by the entire cast. However, this is somewhat forgivable when contemplating what they had to work with. The film’s sophomoric writing and the lackluster story could not have possibly offered very much in terms of inspiration to draw upon. Aside from this, the pacing of Hoodman is painfully sluggish and drags like fingernails on cement from start to finish. When throwing in what is likely the lamest villain that I’ve personally seen in a long while, it makes for a truly grating, damned-near unbearable watch.   

To put it bluntly, I would rather get shot in the eye with a harpoon gun than have to sit through this film again. It was an altogether dreadful experience, which I hated every last god-forsaken second of. If I could give any advice at all, it would be to avoid the headache and skip this one in favor of something – anything – better.  

1 out of 10