In the opening moments of Red Christmas, protesters outside an abortion clinic scream to make themselves heard and yell out scripture as they try to protect the innocent lives inside being murdered. Counter-protestors scream and yell as they try to protect a woman’s autonomy over her own body as well as her freedom of choice. Amidst this chaos, a man sneaks into the clinic and sets off a bomb that throws the whole building into disarray. Just as he’s about to leave, he spots a tiny hand reaching out from a discarded biohazard container. He wraps the tiny figure in a towel and steals it away.

20 years later…

Diane (Dee Wallace, Cujo, and a producer of this film) is hosting her family for Christmas for one last time before selling it off and going on a well-deserved trip around the world. Her children are a little put out that she is selling so soon after their father has passed away, and definitely tell her.  So Christmas is already a little tense.

Into this happy family walks Cletus (Sam “Bazooka” Campbell), a hulking speech-impaired figure, covered in wrapped bandages and wearing a heavy cloak that hides his body and face. He is carrying a letter addressed simply to “Mother.”  Denise invites him in (uh…what?) to join them, but everybody gets a little freaked out by the new guest, especially when Cletus (hmmm…his name rhymes with something…) mentions things like him wearing the cloak “to keep my skin on.”  Cletus goes on to suggest that he is Diane’s aborted fetus (a secret she’s kept until just this very second) hoping to rejoin the family and receive all the love he’s been missing.

That, naturally, does not sit well with all concerned, and they kick him our of the house.  The spur-of-the-moment present they had wrapped up for him gets thrown back at him as he leaves and bounce it off his head.  Naturally, Cletus comes back at night to kill them all.

Written and directed by Craig Anderson (Double The Fist), this is one of the most unique premises of any movie I’ve seen in years.  I was looking forward to a bold, imaginative story with sharp writing and directing. Unfortunately, I was surprised and rather disappointed that Anderson managed to make a 20-year-old fetus serial killer kind of, well, boring.

I liked the technical aspects of this movie.  When the cat-and-mouse game between Cletus and the family starts, there are some awesome shots that really live up to the promise of a wild flick. The Christmas lights all over the house turn it into a kaleidoscope of riotous color, bright red rooms, bright green walls, and flickering strobes, creating great angles and shadows. Dee Wallace is terrific (as usual) as the terrified Denise, trying desperately to keep her family safe while fighting against the son she thought she’d left behind years ago. The special effects are effective and bloody, but perhaps not as over-the-top as they could/should have been.  The camera often cuts away from the action a little too soon for my taste, lessoning the impact that the death of a major character (spoiler!) should have.

The script is not as strong or clever as it needs to be. Characters get into arguments with each other just because there needs to be drama and conflict, and not because the characters would naturally do this.  Many scenes seem to happen just to happen, and the family members change their personalities from scene-to-scene without much consistency, which in turn makes them sound a bit alike.

Sam Campbell has a bit of a thankless job as Cletus The Fetus, as he must emote from beneath a bunch of layers of cloth and bandage. His voice ends up sounding like The Elephant Man and that makes his dialogue often unintelligible and really hard to hear.  Other odd quirks made me scratch my head: he can write in full, complete sentences and carry on a conversation, but Cletus doesn’t know what a Christmas present is? Just odd.

Red Christmas isn’t a bad movie, but it’s certainly not the in-your-face blasphemous splatterfest I was hoping for.  It takes itself very seriously, and when it needed to maybe be a bit campy or outrageous, it just takes itself even more seriously.  Uncle Mike sez check it out, but keep those expectations low, kids. The trailer is below!