I was sitting here watching my new favorite show, “Stranger Things” when my mind started to wonder why scary movies have such an effect on me. This show wouldn’t be classified as horror but there are definitely some suspenseful moments in it that cause my hands to instantaneously cover my eyes in preparation for a jump scare.

It’s perplexing that I love going to theme park haunts, I am fascinated by the paranormal and I do enjoy that feeling of all the hairs standing up on the back of my neck when I’m in the midst of something that scares me. Yet, I’m a total weenie when it comes to scary movies. I try to avoid them but even a scary trailer will make my pulse race and I cower in fear in my seat. There is a reason for this fear though.

I had a bad experience when I was a little girl. It was the one and only time my parents had someone other than a family member babysit my brother and I. The teenage girls down the street seemed nice enough and I’m pretty sure that I was intrigued by them because I was only about 6 or 7 at the time. For some reason those teenage girls decided that it would be a fun idea to have us watch “The Exorcist.” It was utterly terrifying and I was begging them to turn the tv off. I’ve blocked out most of the details but I remember being scared to go in another room, which wouldn’t have helped anyway because it was so loud I just couldn’t get away from it. I also recall my brother being really mad at the girls because I was hysterically crying and instead of changing the channel to something…I don’t know, AGE APPROPRIATE they just laughed at me.

The whole thing had a seriously profound affect on me. I had nightmares for a long time after that night. To this day if I hear the theme of The Exorcist, I am struck by nearly paralyzing fear. Because of that trauma I have never been able to sit and enjoy a true horror film. Freddie? Forget it. Jason? Just keep moving. Any movie with creepy kids that stand at the end of a hallway and stare? Noooo thank you!

I’ve tried to get over my fear. I can do some movies like “Evil Dead” and I love Alfred Hitchcock. My favorite scary movie is “The Sixth Sense”; even though the kid is a little creepy I can relate to him on a “I see dead people” level. But I’m afraid that the trauma of that night so long ago will never go away. Which is a shame when nearly all of your friends are in the business of scary and you happen to write for a horror website.

I sat on the couch with my husband, in the safety of my own home, clutching a pillow and watching “Stranger Things” through my trembling hands. As soon as the last episode ended I saw a glimmer of hope that I might be tolerating or even enjoying the horror genre, even if it was just a little bit. Maybe I should just lock myself in a room and attempt a marathon of scary movies. Bite the bullet per se, and get over my fear.

Maybe I should take my own advice and listen to the words I say to my kids, “It’s just make believe! No one is going to jump off the screen and get you!”

Who am I kidding? Even as the words come out of my mouth, deep down inside I know that the scary things on the screen really do jump out of the screen and into your nightmares.