Desert wasteland, Afghanistan; two superstitious locals conduct unknown (possibly nefarious) business in a cave. Hearing unspeakable noises from the shadows, they nervously talk about a beast of legend, but are cut short when they’re carried away, wriggling, by a swift, unseen entity. The Prey: Legend of Karnoctus then segues into a series of bizarre semi-comedic cartoon stills with Swarzenegger-esque captions (indicative, as it turns out, of the style of the film), accompanied by a monster-themed musical backdrop.

A group of US Special Ops soldiers are hanging out. Macho small talk and idle horseplay are enhanced by impromptu rapping from two of them. Meanwhile, two equally macho mercenaries, both with stereotypically swarthy square jaws and impossibly gruff voices, are doing mercenary-style things as they seek out treasures to complete their greatest heist. After a Taliban rocket strike sends the mercenaries darting manfully into a nearby cave, they’re joined by the now mercifully non-rapping US soldiers, just in time to be sealed in by a rockslide. Reluctantly, and with robust, hairy-chested mutterings, the group follow a dark labyrinth of twisting tunnels liberally inhabited by huge squeaking spiders.

I could tell you a bit more without giving the game away. Actually, that’s a lie; I couldn’t, because the entire film is a shamelessly caricatured cliché of every action/horror film ever to be set in a cave. There’s little here you haven’t seen before; hardly surprising as the theme’s been exsanguinated up to the hilt. Had it intentionally been the spoof it’s merely a sniff away from, it would’ve been amusing; almost what I expected upon seeing the odd, semi-comedic captioned cartoons; I didn’t believe the makers were actually being serious (MAD magazine would salute them).

Instead of choosing either a serious or comedic route, The Prey: Legend of Karnoctus finds itself caught awkwardly in the middle, doing the obvious energy and hard work of the creators no favours at all. It’s interesting to observe that quite often makers of low budget productions seem prey to the pitfall of trying to fit as much into them as possible, risking complicating the plot and confusing the viewer somewhat. Whilst this can create difficulties in following the story, it’s something I’m sympathetic to, as it demonstrates passion for their work, as well as 100% effort.

The actors (Danny Trejo, Nick Chinlund, & Kevin Grevioux among them) don’t do a bad job here, considering the dialogue they have to work with is, well, a bit dire. If the angle of the film had been comedy rather than action, the wealth of expressions from the Dictionary of Badass poked in at every opportunity, along with the rather textbook storyline and over-emphasised personas of the characters would have raised more than a few smiles. However, as it stands the general impression it leaves is that it’s one of thousands of other ‘escape before you’re all eaten by a monster’ productions, but with a more vociferously hyper-butch set of characters than usual.

That said, true dedication has been exercised as regards the set and location, and even the monster is quite impressive, so if you can handle the constant barrage of cringey tough guy talk, there are worse things you could be doing.

2.5 out of 10 Bad Dudes