Three Blind Mice is a new British film with a plot centred around the folk song of the same name. Similar to Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey it puts a dark spin on a childhood nursery rhyme fairy tale. It starts with a cheesy kill cold opening scene, setting the tone for what’s to come.

Directed by Pierre B., the film is innovatively shot using unique camera angles and movements. I particularly liked the use of coloured lights. Good gore effects are another perk. On the other hand, the creature design is uninspired and the CGI looks really bad. It has the look of an independent film but the minor flaws don’t make it look cheap or haphazardly thrown together all around. Also, they try to make the titular song creepy by slowing it down like Nightmare on Elm Street. It’s more off-putting in an annoying way than it is scary.

Written by David Malcom, the first act sets up the world-building but feels like watching an episode of Intervention. Much like the plot of the Evil Dead Remake, the main protagonist goes to a cabin in the woods to quit her drug habit cold turkey. Things pick up in the second act but characters actively make unintelligent decisions to further develop the predictable, formulaic slasher plot. For example, they keep making noise when hiding while knowing that blind mice rely on sound to hunt. Furthermore, I’m confused if the killer mice are collecting people’s eyes why are they still blind? Why are they collecting the eyes? Do they eat them? It doesn’t show that.

The acting from the cast shows no emotion. They all give wooden performances. May Kelly is Abbey, the main protagonist. When she screams it’s s unintentionally funny. It sounds more like a passionate moan during coitus than an act of fear. Lila Lasso is Lara, her friend? Or maybe her Sister? It’s not clear. Karl Hughes is Mark, Abbey’s brother. Helen Fullerton is Cara, Abbey’s mom. Keith Eyels is Kieth, Abbey’s dad. Lynne O’Sullivan is Jude, the intervention therapist. Samantha Cull, Julia Quayle, and Danielle Roland play Sniff, Scratch, and Squealer the titular villains. They give it their all with full-body performances without any dialogue. They’re having a blast in their respective roles and it shows.

Overall, the subject matter of Three Blind Mice is meant to be more silly than serious. Obvious plot holes, cheesy effects, and bad acting can be overlooked. Rather than being a witty satire using the monsters as a metaphor for some sort of relevant topical social commentary, Three Blind Mice starts slow with a clichéd premise, has bland characters, is predictable, and doesn’t ever manage to make a dark take on a classic fairy tale nursery rhyme interesting. I wouldn’t recommend this for these reasons. For a good killer rodent creature feature I’d recommend the Willard films instead. And remember, sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to disagree?