The slasher genre has been around for a while. Long enough that the formula is all too predictable: A carefree group of young people find what’s supposed to be a relaxing outing to be quite the opposite when a masked murderer emerges from the shadows and begins killing them one by one. Trapped with no egress, they must fight, hide, and run for their lives until one or two finally outlast the killer and escape. Hidden feelings are exposed in the heat of the moment. An injury leads to a close call for one of the party members. And almost everyone is so unbearably stupid you want to throw something at the screen.

All of these elements, not necessarily in that order, are at play in Student Body, an upcoming project by Lee Ann Kurr. Jane Shipley (Montse Hernandez) fills the role of Obvious Future Final Girl. She’s effortlessly good at mathematics, but just wants to be liked by the Hot Slutty Cannon Fodder Clique headed by her best friend, Merritt (Cheyenne Haynes). Merritt has been pulling away as her abusive mother increases the pressure on her to do well, and Jane, reeling from Dead Mom Syndrome, is desperate to reconnect. Jane’s math teacher, Mr. Aunspach (Christian Camargo), is the only one impressed by Jane’s uncanny math skills and insists that her friends are holding her back, preventing her from… something. When he gets a little too pushy with Jane, Merritt takes charge to get him fired. All seems well. Until the friends break into the school for a night of senior shenanigans and start getting murdered by someone dressed as the school mascot.

I can’t state enough how unoriginal Student Body is. Every time you think you know where the plot is going, it goes that way exactly with all the grace and style of a piece of machinery falling down a flight of stairs. It takes half an hour for the action to kick off, and the movie’s an hour and a half long. If utilized well, that time could’ve been used to truly develop the characters into complex people with emotions and conflicts and aspirations of their own, which would’ve made their deaths mean something.

We sort of get this with Jane the self-centered prodigy, Merritt the tormented queen bee, and Mr. Aunsbach the absolute sociopath who never should’ve been allowed in a teaching role, but supporting characters Ellis (Anthony Keyvan), Nadia (Harley Quinn Smith), and French (Austin Zajur) might as well have been cardboard cutouts. The only thing about them that isn’t obvious from the first 60 seconds of screentime they get is what order they’ll die in.

With its cast of genre veterans, Student Body could’ve gone any which way. But, much like Zajur’s previous project, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, it suffers from a milquetoast protagonist and weak writing. And, much like Smith’s previous project, Yoga Hosers, probably would’ve benefitted from having someone else in the writer’s room looking at the script and going, “Are you sure about this?” I’ll give Kurr points for creative use of Vivaldi, but that’s about the only creative thing there. I’ve seen everything else before in both better and equally bland movies.

3.5 out of 10 Preternaturally Sharp Pencils